Thursday, March 10, 2011

A very hard post to post

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity


I like this blogging challenge b/c it is making me think about things.  When I read today's post, I honestly had no idea what to post about.  I even asked my husband what my biggest insecurity was and he first told me to post a blank white square b/c he said I was perfect (cue awws here).  Then, he told me to post a picture with 18 kids b/c he knows I am AFRAID to have lots of kids.

So, I've thought all morning as I have been cleaning and doing laundry, what is my biggest insecurity?  And I was reminded of this good old mormonad.

I can relate to everyone in that picture, the ones looking at the book, completely oblivious to anyone else, the one turning to look at the girl by herself, and the girl who is completely insecure.

When I was little, I was about as nerdy as they come.  That didn't even begin to change until about 8th grade, when I lost my 80's bangs, huge circle glasses, and leggings.  I clearly remember sitting in a history class on the first day of 8th grade and a boy that I knew sitting in front of me, turning around and introducing himself.  I wanted to scream, "Hello!  Don't you remember me?  We were in 3 of the same classes last year!"  but instead I took it as a compliment and let him figure it out on his own.

While on the outside, I have outgrown my uber nerdy days, a piece of that has stayed with me.  I don't know when the day will come that I stop caring about what everyone else thinks about me.  I HATE that I care.  And that, friends, is my biggest insecurity.  Fitting in.

6 comments:

Elisa said...

I have the same issue with worrying too much about what other people think of me. For what it's worth (which probably isn't much since you barely know me and we've never even met) I think you're cool. :)

Brittney said...

I have the same fear. I never would have thought you did though, Court! You are always so nice and outgoing and seemingly very confident. In fact, we may not have even been friends today if you hadn't been like that because I most definitely was not looking to make friends with anyone in the hccl! haha!

Jess & Landon said...

YOU are awesome. You've fit in every where I've seen you. You're amazing. Everyone loves you. I wish I lived closer so I could "fit in" with you more often! : )

Kiki said...

that poster is awesome; i'm pretty sure i wore rockin' white flats like that in seventh grade. :) you are so great - you make everyone feel like they fit in with YOU, so it's amazing to hear that you ever worry about fitting in at all. miss you.

Briawna said...

Courtney, I don't know a single person who doesn't care what others think. If they say they don't care, they're either better at moving past it or in denial. I think women are especially prone to this insecurity because there are so many people who have opinions about what we do, wear, or who we are. Sometimes the worry of caring makes me afraid to put myself out there. So, i feel your pain. Stay strong and let me know if you find a way to move past caring. Hope Noah is feeling better.

sheena said...

hahaha court that poster is AWESOME!!!

You were nerdy. We were ALL nerdy.....I think that's why we became such good friends:) Court you are so cute and always come across as so strong and confident....you have nothing to worry about.

miss you.